Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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