Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
