Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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