I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
