My room smells like vodka and shame
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
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does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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