im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
