she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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