Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
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I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
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His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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