Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
