perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
