we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
