Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
