Screwed.edu
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
