I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
