That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize