I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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