I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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