Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
