; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
