...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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