nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
