Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
