is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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