Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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