So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
