when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
