I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
