hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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