that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
