i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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