actually, I'm a sock model
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
