No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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