Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
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They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize