im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
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A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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