No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
