ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
