There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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