God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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