Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
