I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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