My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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