Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i was born a porn star she said
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
