Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
