Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
