If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize