He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
