can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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