some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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