I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
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I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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