Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
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i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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