from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
