apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
