this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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