Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
