On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
