Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
