i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
