I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
